Stargate Atlantis Flashfiction

Title: Five More Outings
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Lorne/Sheppard
Series: Dramatic Exit
Words: 1650
Spoilers: Minor casting spoilers for Season 4. I can't imagine you don't already know it.
Notes: Beta'd by archae_ology. A sequel of sorts to "A Few Short Outings". Reading that would be nice, but not required.

Summary: Five more ways Lorne and Sheppard came out to someone.




1) General O'Neill

"Oh shit," Sheppard said, scrambling out of his seat and to attention. At least, that was what it looked like he was trying to do, but he was having a little trouble since Lorne was on his lap and trying to get up as well. There was a moment of confused flailing before they unceremoniously fell in a heap on the floor, while Jack stood in the doorway and stared down at them.

"Uh, afternoon, sir," Sheppard said, staring up with wide eyes. "This is not what it looks like at all."

"Oh really?"

"Well, sir, it's like this." Sheppard stopped, trying to think of an explanation, and Lorne quickly took over.

"There was an incident offworld, sir," he said, pushing himself to his feet and pulling Sheppard up with him. "A few days ago, we were on a joint mission, and well, there was, uh...."

He paused for a moment, then he and Sheppard simultaneously said, "sex pollen" and "an alien ritual." Lorne shot an annoyed look at Sheppard, then smoothly continued, "An alien ritual that involved plants. Supposedly harmless plants, only they weren't prepared right and we got covered in pollen that had some unusual effects."

"Effects which are supposed to wear off soon," Sheppard added, "but, you know, right now we just can't control ourselves."

"So what you're saying is that you were making out in your office, but it's not your fault." Jack said, completely deadpan and inwardly giving them about a two for originality.

"Exactly, sir," Lorne replied. He'd managed to compose himself, but the effect was ruined by the way Sheppard was staring at the floor, the bubbly thing in the corner, and just about everywhere but at Jack.

"And it also made you forget to lock the door?" Jack asked, just for fun.

"That would be Colonel Sheppard's fault, sir."

"I see." Jack supposed there was a small, tiny chance that they were actually telling the truth. Not that he really cared, because thankfully they were Carter's problem, not his. He let them hang for a minute, then shrugged and turned around. "Well, I wouldn't want to interrupt. Carry on."


2) Sergeants Trevor Hogan and Lewis Blanchard, USMC

"Heh, it's, it's, it's like karma!" Major Lorne said, as Trevor and Blanchard tried to herd him in the general direction of the gate. For the most part he was happily going along with them, but every so often he would veer off towards Colonel Sheppard. From the looks of thing, Teyla and Dex were stopping him from doing the same thing. Up ahead, McKay was bitching at the plant dude, who seemed to find the situation hilarious, while Captain Cadman kept an eye on them.

Lorne tried to escape again, and Trevor gently pulled him back on track. Trying to distract him, Trevor asked, "How's that, sir?"

"See, last time General O'Neill was here, we totally lied to him," Lorne explained with a giggle. "Told him we'd got hit with pollen, only there's no such thing, but now we did. Parrish was totally wrong about it not existing."

"That's nice, sir," Trevor said, doing his best not to roll his eyes.

"Wish we'd found it earlier, 'cause wow, it's fun." Lorne frowned, then quickly shouted, "Not that you're not always fun, John!"

"Damn straight!" Sheppard headed their way, but Dex grabbed his tac vest and jerked him back. "Come on, guys. All I want to do is touch him!"

"You may touch him once Doctor Keller has had a chance to examine you," Teyla gently said. For a moment, Trevor could have sworn she looked exasperated, but the look went away as quickly as it had come.

Dex added, "And once we can't see you."

"Oh, fine," Sheppard said, looking like a kicked puppy. After a moment, he shouted, "I love you, Evan!"

"Really?"

"Just thought you should know!"

"I love you too!" Lorne somehow managed to look even goofier than he had a minute before. He lowered his voice, probably trying to whisper but failing completely, and told them, "He's not just saying that because I put out, you know, but I think it helps. God knows that thing he does with his tongue helps me every time he tries to get himself killed."

"Don't need to know that, sir," Trevor replied with a groan. He wondered if he could get to Chuck fast enough to change his bets in the pool, or if that would be cheating. As Lorne continued to babble and they finally reached the clearing around the gate, Trevor caught a disgusted look on Blanchard's face, although it was replaced with a blank face when Blanchard saw him watching. Trevor sighed again, and made a note to get some guys to have a chat with the man before he did something stupid.


3) General Landry

"I've got you now," Hank muttered as he signed the last electronic form to make the charges official. Any other day, he'd have been overjoyed at the chance to finally nail Sheppard with something so blatantly wrong that no amount of political wrangling would save him. Over the last few years, he'd grudgingly come to admit that the man could be useful, but his little mutiny to retake Atlantis had proved the man could be a menace even with close supervision. Now Hank found that he'd managed to start corrupting his fellow officers, and if he could twist even a picture-perfect man like Lorne around, there was no way he could be trusted around more impressionable ones.

It was a pity about Lorne, though. For a moment, Hank hesitated, then shook his head. He'd ordered Lorne to stick close on Sheppard and report any unusual behavior, and either he'd taken that too literally or he'd been far too close to Sheppard to begin with. Hank could figure out what had happened and decide what to do with him once Sheppard was dealt with.

"Walter!" he called out, and a moment later the sergeant appeared at his door.

"Yes, sir?"

"These need to go out in today's data burst." Hank handed over the paperwork, and Walter quickly looked it over. His eyebrows shot up and he bit at his lower lip, looking up at Hank. "What?"

"Nothing, sir," Walter quickly said.

"Go on, say it."

"Well, sir, I'm just wondering if you're sure you've got all the information you need. I mean, it might not have been what it sounds like."

Hank waved it off. "They can explain it to the court, if they want to try some stupid 'aliens made us do it' defense."

Walter hesitated again, then asked, "Sir, have you run this past General O'Neill?"

"If I talk to Jack," Hank said with a snort, "by the time he stops stalling and admits I'm right, we'll have to wait for next week's dial-in."

"I'm just saying, sir, that he might want to know before -"

"Chief!" At Hank's shout Walter shut up. "I've made my decision. Now get moving!"


4) Colonel Carter

Sam was searching her orders for loopholes and steeling herself for what would probably be the most distasteful act of her career when she heard a knock on her office door. She was surprised to see Lorne standing there. She took a quick glance past him but saw no sign of Sheppard, just the normal control room staff and McKay, who was hovering behind Chuck and badgering the man. With a pained expression, she said, "Come in, Major. Is this about what I think it is?"

"It is, ma'am," he said solemnly. "Word travels fast around here."

She sighed and leaned forward to rest her arms on the desk. "I want you to know, I'm sorry."

"I know, ma'am, and we understand that it's not your fault," he replied, as calm and collected as he always was. He'd always had a level head, but Sam couldn't help but be impressed at the way he was taking the situation in stride. Maybe he'd been expecting this to happen eventually. She certainly hadn't, at least not like this.

"Is it worth it?" she asked after a moment. She'd thought about that question often enough herself, and every time the answer had been, 'no.' Seeing this disaster play out and knowing how much it would hurt Sheppard to loose Atlantis, she wasn't sure if she wished she'd chosen otherwise or not.

"Absolutely," Lorne said without hesitation. He grinned and shrugged. "I wouldn't give him up for anything."

Sam found herself grinning back. "Look, when you get home, talk with General O'Neill. He can pull some strings, make sure you get honorable discharges, and then we'll do our best to just hire you on as civilians."

Lorne shook his head. "Ma'am, I really appreciate that, but it won't be necessary."

Before Sam could ask why not, Sheppard's voice came over the city's loudspeakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. Please lock trays in the upright position and execute Case Sheridan."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked, looking up at the ceiling. She started to stand, then froze and slowly sat back down when she realized Lorne had pulled an Ancient stunner from his pocket. The city started to hum around them, and after a second things started to click into place. "He's in the control chair, isn't he?"

"Securing the city's key systems as we speak," Lorne replied, not taking his eyes from her. "McKay's locking down the Earth-built network, too."

Sam shook her head and despite herself she started to laugh. Lorne raised his eyebrow in a silent question, and she explained by saying, "He doesn't do anything by halves, does he?"

Lorne smiled gently, and held out his hand. "No, he doesn't. Now, I'll have to ask for your sidearm and radio, ma'am."


5) The World

Sex Scandal Shocks SGC!
Sheppard Screws Second, Secedes

General Sheppard sighed and put down her newspaper. Some days it just didn't pay to get up.